We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
