Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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