why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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