I got chris browned last night
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
