Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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