My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
