if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dicks are not precious.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
