he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
