Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
