Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
