I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
