too bad you live with your parents still
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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