I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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