our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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