Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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