my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
