I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
