Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
