I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
