Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
