what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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