My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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