i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
