I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
