I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
