I hate your face
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
