Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
