If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
