Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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