she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
