I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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