So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
