Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
