i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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