I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
