dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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