yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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