yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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