P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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