I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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