He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
