HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
