My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
