sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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