I'm pants shitting drunk right now
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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