your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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