He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
