Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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