he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
