It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
