I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
